I had a dream of hover mowing heaven.... No sooner had it begun than it catastrophically ended. Now I need your expert opinion!

This is a story about lawn…


Nope.. Not that kind of lawn!


That’s a bit more like it. You know… The good old kiwi, get out your masport iron horse 2 stroke and take to it, backyard type lawn.


Yeeeerp! That’s the one. Nice work this guy.

As much as I HATE to admit it, I wasn’t this guy..

I believed I could do better than this guy!

As much as I’m trembling mad about it now, I believed I had found the holy grail of lawn mowing…

I was promised it would be like “mowing a lawn on a cushion of air”.. It will allow the operator to “navigate tricky obstacles with ease”.. and “mow up to a 40degree slope”.

But wait that’s not all!.. The owner, manufacturer and salesman “Darren Seymour” assured me… no make that CONVINCED me that the hover mower could mow “knee high grass with ease”, and “mow anything a normal lawnmower can”.

To call myself sold is an understatement.

I thought I’d found my second true love!
Introducing… “The Phoenix Hover Mower”…
“The hills are alive… with the sound of Jeremy hover mowering..”

……I began to hum as I transferred through the

$1050 dollars

nek minnit



What’s that?! A blade out the side of the mower shell?!

No worries… I’ll ring the fella I bought it off in Auckland and get my money back since I’d spent nearly 20 minutes on the phone to him detailing EXACTLY what I was going to be using it for.

You think he was interested? nope.

I sent it back at my own cost ($120) to be “looked at”. Didn’t take long before he stopped responding..

Nearly $1300 out of pocket at this point with no mower and no communicato who you gonna call?


The good old neighbors at war “disputes tribunal”. The only court in the country (the world?) where “hearsay evidence is permissible“.

That’s where I need your expert opinion!

…and this is where it gets serious…


This is a photo of an actual Phoenix Hover Mower.

It runs a poorly made Chinese 2 stroke petrol engine with a somewhat flimsy plastic shell and crappy Chinese mounts and handle.

I purchased the Phoenix Hover Mower on the promise from “Darren Seymour” at “Small Engines Direct” that the machine would:

  • “Cut knee high grass with no issues whatsoever”
  • “Be able to deal with the odd small stone”
  • Would “perform with the same capabilities a normal wheel mower could”
  • Would be “up to the task I described”..
  • Amongst much more “yeah yeah yeah mate, no problem”

After mowing 20 square meters of shin high grass, the machine spat a blade out the side of the shell.


Why did it do this? Watch the below video and find out:


I originally privately shared this video with Darren out of good will that he’d watch and refund.

Come disputes tribunal hearing 4 months later he still hadn’t got round to watching it. (though someone had, as the views went up on the private video by 2)

Because he was phoning in the hearing from Auckland, I couldn’t share the video as evidence in the hearing because he couldn’t see it.

Safe to say you’ve seen it now.. Darren.

But Evidence of what?

Well, Darren claimed that it was “Physically Impossible” for the blade to touch the shell, let alone puncture it. And because he has a claimed “30 years” of “motor mower experience”, his opinion trumped mine. Never mind the conflict of interest.. Or the ridiculousness of it…. This is poor mans court!

His reasoning: “Jeremy hit a piece of metal (another mysterious blade?!) that got stuck underneath the mower and did the damage”. Yes, very logical.


I sure hadn’t heard of “The Sound of Metal”

But it wasn’t part of my dream



The court was adjourned


I’ve been tasked by the Judge to get opinions of the contrary.

The only thing I need to “prove” is that it is “most likely” the mower blade itself did the damage.

Whats more, Darren claimed there had been “no previous problems reported in the 3000 sold”..

Anyone that’s sold 3 million $$ of hover mowers must have seen at least one problem?! – “nope” he claimed

Seems he must have forgotten about This Case involving the phoenix. (link to ministry of justice website). Too bad I only found this after our initial hearing.

I have a feeling there are many more than just me and that guy.

Check out the underneath design of all the competing hover mowers on the market:








Sick of looking at Hover mowers yet? I sure as hell am!!!

My point is, all the competing hover mowers have a big clearance between the blades and the shell because of the exact problem I experienced. 

The soft plastic shell twists and the blades contact if there isn’t enough clearance.

To add to that, none of the competing mowers are sold as being capable of mowing knee-high grass. Instead are only sold for “light lawn mowing”…”golf courses” and the like.

Unsurprising in hindsight.

The underside of the Phoenix Hover Mower is significantly different in design, and the resulting damage ensues:

Note 1: The blades are bolted fairly tight on the impeller (the round bit), so they can just move under extreme impact (like the blade hitting it’s own shell), but mostly stay straight out.

Note 2: There is no “random” damage outside of where the blades spin. In other words, if something had been caught underneath, we’d expect to see damage outside of strictly the blades rotational path.





This is where you get to be an “Expert”

You’ve viewed my objective, impartial evidence.

I need you to (in all seriousness), fill out the following form and send it to me.

I’m going to add all the “relevant years of experience” together and trump Darren’s 30. 300 combined years seems like a good target.

And if you’re passing by my way I’ll shout you a beer and give you a laugh for your troubles 🙂


Your Name (required):

Your Email (required)

Phone (cell or work) (no-one apart from me will call you, if at all, and this won't be shared)

What trades/qualifications/experience do you have relevant to this case?

How many years experience?

Based on the video and pictorial evidence presented, in your expert opinion:
Is it more likely that the damage to the shell was caused by foreign matter, or the blade of the machine?

 Blade Foreign matter

The Phoenix Hover Mower should not be sold for "mowing knee high grass" and "the same work a normal mower is capable of".

 Agree Disagree

Jeremy should be refunded immediately, plus all expenses he incurred, as a result of false advertising, poor product design and quality. (failures of substantial character as per section 21 of the Consumer Guarantees Act)

 Agree Disagree

Do you have any additional comments, dirt on the Phoenix Hover Mower, Small Engines Direct, Darren Seymour or any other comments that will help my case?

By submitting you grant your consent for me to use your "opinion" in my hearing ( - thankyou! - )